Today’s Neopoets Blog Post for Sinbad the Sailor Man July 19th 2010
A short and simple brief on how this project of mine came into being. My life was no “Picnic Basket” Boo Boo, That is for sure, but not to many Folks lives are….
Did God Have Anything to do With It, Yogie?
Just a little creative intro there, I crack myself up some times, this happens when you are demented and over lonely for too long. They say it is OK to talk to yourself, as long as you don’t answer yourself, well I lose on that premise also, because not only do I talk to myself, often times I answered myself as well, or at least I did. With that being said, here is what got me started.
This is a Blog I posted from my membership with Neopoet.com. I posted this several Nights after I came full circle with my belief in God and His son the Lord Jesus. This is a very long story and would take several volumes to tell the tale, so I will do my best to give you the short version. I have cleaned it up a little bit, to help you all to read it easier I hope.
July, 19th 2010
Hi all what’s Up? I am still alive and I am still very interested in poetry and my poems I, as some of you know have been very busy building up my website. This website is not my first, I have try and stumbled and fallen at least thrice already, but I am getting a good vibe from this one here.
I want to take the time to give “Loved” a shout out! For she is the one who kicked a rock at this old stone, which set me over the edge of the hill and I have been rolling every since. Thanks Loved. I think I have let ya all know what it is that I am trying to do, be, and grow outside of here, our little community of poets. Now today I know that Loved was only the vehicle my God used to get me to move an at my request.
I have been on Social Security Disability for over nine years now. I have a broken back and other medical problems, which keep me here silent and alone. In my own little world, just getting by and almost surviving, feeling guilty, and useless. And at times so depressed and wanting to end my life.
You may have read some of my works. They are snippets of my life and other’s lives. That have passed by and close to mine. I can’t describe the hurt and the lost I feel by being placed into this type of existence, that I have been living these last nine years or so. Not just yet, for the tears will not subside long enough for me to see the keys to type its description.
A poem for another day perhaps. Well back to Self Publishing on the Internet. I don’t know what your goals are for you works. But I could care less if I every made a dime! I have never been one for monetary concerns, for other then survival. I can get by now on bread and water, but not water alone.
So I have bent the ears of my God and Father once again. For the past three or so years now, I have been believing in and on Him.To work with me again, to change this life into the life He sees for me. I am hearing whisperings from my communion with him again. I don’t care how that sounds to some of you or any one else.
This is a path I was on and have stepped off many times. I have said it many times to those I know, and to those who know me. I know as sure as I am sitting here typing this that, He is and He is able to repair and restore all. So that statement was made, for who it had to be made. I needed to give a shout out! To my Father and Creator and his only begotten Son, The Lord Jesus, The Christ, and the Saviour of our World!
I have Planted a seed just now! The biggest I have ever planted and I am excepting a Harvest from it. So keep your eyes on me and see if I don’t grow. Come and see look around, follow me, and my Blogs and social sites. If you want people to read your works and possibly pick up some pocket change this seems to be working for me, and it should work for you also. With or without God in your life. Plant some Seeds, and give them some Time, all things will grow, for we all reap what we sow with expectations and belief.
Donnie/ Sinbad the Sailor Man
Neopoet.com Crashed and Lost a lot of Members Comments and Some Writes For A period of Time
I had quite an extensive collection of poems and writes posted there and I had just posted a story that I started to create about two years earlier. After my Home computer crashed, I started using their site as a storage place and a learning venue I knew little if anything about Poems and creating them. So Neopoet.com was working very well for me in these capacities. So I had a couple of near misses at losing everything I had created, very near misses.
I had just posted my last write here that night at wikinut in the draft section, which was the Story I was writing all these poems and writes for in the first place, when Neopoet.com Crashed. I do not know if I would have survived that lost so well.
Several near misses on losing all my works again, I have lost them once before when my other computer crashed. I still have the hard drive from that first computer of mine and hope to one day to be able to afford to see if any of my lost writes can be recovered. But I was still having a rough time of it. And I still am. I live on roughly $915.00 a month my only income source at the moment is Social Security Disability and has been since about 2007.
In 2007 I had several copies of a Chap Book made up and I stiffed the kids on Christmas that year because of it. I mailed them out and forgot to keep a hard copy of where I sent them so when the computer went under so did my copies of that book, but I gave my daughter one of those chap books and had a bunch of lose copies of the works in it.
In the year 2009-2010 I got the bright ideal to create an e-book of my writes and poetry I did this and than the first computer I was using and had rebuilt took a nose dive and landed face first, destroyed itself completely even after I had it repaired again it never would work correctly for any length of time. It was already seven years old and was drug all over the country and the places I ended up moving to and from. So it served me well.
After this unfortunate event I move into a new apartment that I can just barely afford I kept getting this awful premonition something horrible was about to happen to me or someone close to me again. For since my divorce in 2001 everything started to spiral down hill, I would need about ten pages to tell all of that mess, so let me highlight most of it for you some in the next section, but as I was saying I kept having this gloomy dismal feeling I was doomed or something was about to happen that would finish me off.
That same night I got a call from my Twelve year old Daughter who is a type one diabetic, She was in the Hospital again and they were going to transport her to Chicago all my friends were out of town at a pool tournament and I had no money for a cab so I told her I would most likely not be able to see before she was transported. This scared me to death and I said a little pray and headed out on foot in the snow to the Hospital seven miles away and me with my bad back in the cold is never a good idea, but I did it! I saw her before she was transported and then walked the seven miles back home.
After getting home I broke down, and set myself to praying to God the Father through the Lord Jesus, The Christ using Jesus as my intercessor correctly for the first time in as many years, that I have been a Half-ass-ed believer. Something came over me a feeling of relief something I had not felt for over thirty some years.
How Did I Ever Get to Such a Point in My Life?
I truly don’t know, I was never so easily saddened or fearful of much of anything.
But life sneaks up upon us all. And whenever we leave God out of the picture for to long it jumps upon you like a crazy Jone-zing Crack-Head does. And on anyone who gets in their way of that final hit.
I had a secrete relationship with My God for a long time. Now from about the age of twelve and a half, until that night, I have had it and kept it to myself as every time I tried to share it I was ostracized by those I loved and thought were of my like belief, so I gave up and moved on. I found out I was not my Father’s son, my earthly father that is, but was indeed a son of another man. This explained or shed a lot of light on why I was treated by my Stepfather the way that I was.
I ended up quitting high school and leaving home to live with my Grandmother as a result of finding all this out. So I went to night school Graduated a year early from High school Joined the Navy decide to become a Career Sailor. That was derailed, I was too fat or so that is what the Story would become. But yet I was given an Honorable Discharge with an Re-4 which means, I couldn’t join any other US Military Service as well.
I was deemed undesirable, another long story which even I have gotten mixed up with truth and the fiction that surrounded it.
After I had gotten out of service and a short seventy-two hours later I was back home in Indiana and I moved on with my life. Came home got a job, broke a leg almost lost it to an I beam, that fell on it. I loss some mobility in it about 6% no big deal, moved to California, moved back home, moved to the country, held several different jobs, was laid off several different times, met a girl, the girl broke my heart, lost job, met another girl she also breaks my heart. A year later marry that same girl. Have a son, Injury my back for the first time, after a short month or two have my Gallbladder removal. My wife breaks my heart and crushes my soul. I forgive her we stay married, ten years longer. Get our own home after living with her Mom and Dad about a year or so. Lose that home. Now living on the bad side of town in Subsidized Housing, get good job, get re-injured, get good settlement.
I am then found by my Half sister that I have never met before. Take the family and move to Las Vegas, I get a decent job with good opportunities, I get Injured while eating at fast food restaurant, along with my wife and my two youngest children, lose job, wife moves home with all three kids that we now have together.
Because of money issues and on going therapy I move home about three weeks after the wife and kids. The wife and kids staying at her Dads and her new Step-mothers house, with their kids. I have to stay at my Mom and stepfathers house no room for me there. My Mom says bring Kids and wife here, without asking my Stepfather.
About a month goes by he has a heart attack, My sisters gang up on my wife while I am in the upstairs bathroom, basically kicking us out of moms house, wife’s family takes us all in, several months later get Social Security Disability Back pay, Get a shitty old trailer have kidney stone attack, have two stones 2 cm big removed, get a better trailer, have my oldest boys ninth birthday.
Wife tells me she has filed for divorce after the birthday party, takes the kids and goes to sisters house to stay, I lose my mind and months later, My mother and four other family members, who died one right after the other and weeks apart from Tobacco use. And than my Best-friend commits suicide after his wife leaves him.
Some where in there Sept. 11th Happens! I finally get the settlement from the Fast Food Joint give wife more than her share, wife’s lawyers take almost all of my share, I lose my new S.U.V. to the wife get Mad! Buy a new Truck I’ll show her!
She says I’ll show you! She gets that new truck also. I get a new car lose the new car to wife, I get a used car lose used car to wife’s lawyer. Got to get a job while on Disability, I fall off a new construction deck at work, employer has no workman’s comp Ins. I am back on Disability.
Enter a business deal with two partners. Business, it goes under; I lose my home. I move to Utah to help my new found half-sister after she gets out of Jail for Meth. Can’t help her, but do learn to drive semi truck, lose apartment in Utah, move in with one of my half-sisters and her family back home in Indiana, get great job driving Semi-truck.
With the Company for six months ready to get my Ins with them and a pay raise and get off Social Security. My 12 year old Daughter gets Deadly sick almost dies, I start to lose my eye-sight over stressed and high Blood pressure from driving at night, because I can’t see at night very well, I lose the great Job etc. etc.
So yeah, pretty much a normal life with out God as The Head of it.
The Night Loved, Made the Suggestion that I Join Triond.com
I found Neopeot.com in Oct. 2007 After losing that Truck driving job the best Job I had in a very long time. And the best possibility I had to get off Social Security Disability. I needed them now more then ever before, as I was about at the end of my rope.
They say, I always wondered who exactly “They” are! But they do say, everything happens for a reason and if we will listen and be quite and still long enough, we will hear what it is they are saying, after they have said what they first said. Believe me I am not that deep a person. I am quite shallow at times this may be why I have been dredged so. That I might slow down and be still and quite, that I might listen to what is being said to me and that I might understand who it is exactly saying what they want me to hear.
On the night that Loved from Neopoet.com made this suggestion. That I join Triond.com, I was about one step away from ending my life with some old Oxycotins and some other pain killers I had stashed or thought I had stashed. After her suggestion I went straight for them, I had enough, but the pills were no longer there in their bottles. The bottles were still there, but the pills were not and I could not for the life of me remember were they might have gone, or what I might have done with them.
I took this as a sign, maybe God had nothing to do with all of this, but then again maybe He had everything to do with it! I now prefer to believe the latter, and I am holding on to this belief for dear life now. On July 3rd I started to live a little more each day and I am growing better and sounder each and everyday and it may be the answers to my prays of those long silent three years. That happened to re-instill in me a Faith that I have lost. Or it might be just dumb luck an abstinent minded sad, and lonely man at his wits end who subconsciously decided to live for yet another day.
See, it doesn’t really matter to me if I ever become rich, for I am already wealthy. And now I remember I am still loved, by the only ONE who truly is capable of returning true love for not. On July 3rd 2010 I joined Triond.com and started Poetry Writes & Other Stuff from Sinbad the Sailor Man, it is still in its infant-ency and it is still growing.
They say from the time we are born that we start to die. I know they are wrong for a brief moment we are still alive and living, and continue too be, until Death settles in.
I am renewed for a little while longer now and I hope I can do something with this renewal this time. I hope that I can chase Death and his lies and doubts away at his every attempt towards me and mine. I hope also you will chase him away whenever you feel his presence.
Thank you for your time and the read.
Donnie/ Sinbad the Sailor Man